he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I deserve this hangover.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
