I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
