HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
