This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
