i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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