My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
