just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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