We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
