wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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