So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
