You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
