bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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