he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
