wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
