thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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