he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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