He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
