6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
