I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
