i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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