i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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