i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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