Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
