wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
