mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
