She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
