I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
