Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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