i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
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