is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
