Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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