I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
