I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
