i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
