imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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