What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
