I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
