does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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