i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
