My friends, they love my intelligence
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
