I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
