omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
