I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
