your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
