I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
