if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
