True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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