saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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