We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pants are for mortals
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
