It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
