I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
