his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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