I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
