1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
